


Absolution

by cyran9



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Solas Romance, Solavellan, solasmance, solasmancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 14:36:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3573332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyran9/pseuds/cyran9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas returns to Skyhold seeking forgiveness from the love he left behind. </p><p>Prompt requested by arlavellan using Muse's "Sing for Absolution" as inspiration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

Solas pulled up his hood on his cloak, pushing through the shivers of cold that wracked his body as he pressed onward through the night, following old footsteps from memory until they brought him to the great gates of Skyhold. How long had it been since he had left his love, his world, walking this very path? All was quiet and dark. His breath formed icy clouds as it escaped his lips in halting puffs. His heart was racing and aching, making his limbs feel heavy and exhausted. He had traveled so far and he was finally at her doorstep.

It did not take long to find her. Even now, after all this time, he could feel her. He could close his eyes and almost feel her under his skin. 

Quietly, he slipped into her room. So still. So silent. Moonlight shone in from the great stained glass windows and shone upon her as she lay upon her bed, the pale light caressing the curves of her face. Solas crossed the room and sat beside her. She always looked so peaceful when she slept, as if the weight of the world did not rest upon her shoulders, as if she were made to be the Inquisitor. 

He gazed lovingly at her face. His breath came in sharp as he tried to contain himself. He reached out with a tremulous hand and touched her cheek. How many nights had he dreamed of her? Longed for her? How many times had he walked the fade hoping and fearing he would see her. First, he had feared she would search for him. Then he had hoped she would. Then he feared he would see her in the fade and find that she now loved another. It would have been kinder for her if she had, but no, not his vhenan. She was always waiting, hoping, calling out prayers of love to him. But he could not answer, not while it put her life in danger. 

Solas caressed her hair, grazed her cheek with the back of his hand, and ran his fingers delicately up the back of her beautiful hands. 

“I am so sorry," he whispered, his voice betraying his cool demeanor. "I came to you to ask for forgiveness. I have only ever loved you, dreamed of you, vhenan....please, wake up. Please, come back to me.”

Hot tears began to sting his eyes. It was not supposed to be like this. Solas had walked away from her, his one love, his heart, in order to protect her! He had forsaken her happiness and his own in order to prevent this from happening! A choking gasp escaped his lips as he pressed his trembling lips against the cold stone lips on the tomb of his lost love. 

The visage of Inquisitor Lavellan was intricately carved in marble and lay in state in the underhold of Skyhold, resting above the bones of his beloved. Her beautiful face was carved by loving hands, free of valasslin. Her hands were delicately sculpted to the same size and shape as hers when she was living, and she was attired in a regal gown fit for a queen. Her hair had been sculpted long and flowing, surrounding her face in loose ringlets and braids giving her the appearance of a goddess. Whoever had commissioned the work had spared no expense and honored her memory with such glory as to rival Andraste herself. 

Solas caressed her smooth face, kissed her forever closed lids with the delicately carved eyelashes that fanned across her cheeks. So many times he had kissed those cheeks when they were warm, flushing to his touch. He had kissed those lashes as they fluttered at his tender words of love and adoration. Her lips had been fleshy pink and puckered when she was being coy with him. Now they were cold and unyielding. He wondered if her heart would feel the same way towards him if she were alive today.  
Solas’ heart ached and his throat burned. Nothing was left. Even if he had succeeded in his mission, he had failed her. And in the end, he had only come back to her when he had nothing left. 

Solas sat up and lifted the side of his shirt to see the progress of the deep gash in his side. Dark crimson spilled forth from him in rivers when he removed the bandage. He knew well enough that it would not be long now. Falon’din had struck swift and true and Solas had no doubt that there was no coming back from this. He had struggled to escape and make it back to Skyhold fearing he would not make it in time. 

He had known he had little time left and that coming here was selfish. But he had not expected to find his love had gone before him. Perhaps...perhaps he could cross into the fade. Her memory would be stronger here. He could spend his last few minutes remembering her before his time was through. 

Solas laid down beside the effigy of Lavellan, placed one arm around her waist and laid his cheek against her hair so his lips rested against her delicate ear. He closed his eyes, winced at the pain and the chill seeping into his arms and legs, and began to cross into the warm haze of the fade. 

Solas stepped into the faded memories of Skyhold. The candlelight, the stained glass, the warmth of lit fires, and the sounds of the busy hold were as familiar to him as an old home. He stood in his rotunda, reveling in the scents and smells of smoke and fresh paint. 

He ran his hands across the top of his worn desk and papers. It all felt so real. 

Then he felt it. The pull, the invisible thread that tied him to her, was tugging at him and signaling that she was near. Solas turned to see her leaning in his doorway in her devil-may-care style. 

“Vhenan...” his eyes stung and it became impossible to swallow. 

She strode towards him slowly at first then rushed to him to close the gap between them. She threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. Solas was so overcome he groaned as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in so tight that even he was having a hard time breathing. Her kisses were upon his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his chin, his jawline. She cupped his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his, breathing in and out in rhythm with him, and they stood pressed in their embrace, neither willing to let go even a little bit. 

“Where have you been, Solas?” She whispered against his lips. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. 

“I have been too far from you.” 

Her head nodded against his. “Yes you have.”

Solas swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry...I thought I was doing the right thing. I never wanted to hurt you, to leave you...ar lath ma, vhenan. Please, forgive me.”  
She pulled back to look at him, her pale ivory locks framing her face and her peachy lips reddened with his kiss.  
“I forgave you before you even asked, Solas. What matters is you are home now.”

Solas frowned. As sweet as it was, the faded illusion would end and he would wander the fade forever alone. He could feel the ties to his mortal body quickly fading. He was becoming stronger here. Soon there would be nothing left of the man and he would be Fen’harel again, trapped within the fade once more with only fading memories of Lavellan to keep him company. The thought was both heaven and hell. He closed his eyes and willed away this haunting visage of his vhenan. He could not bask in her adoration for the man he no longer was. 

It was fitting, he supposed. His wrongs would remain unrectified. There could be no absolution for the harm he done her. 

“Solas, open your eyes.” She was still there, still in his arms. Skyhold had melted away. The rotunda, the candlelight, the warmth...all gone. But she remained, silhouetted in the emerald rays of the wisps of the fade around them. 

She was real. She was no memory. He caressed her face and looked deep into her eyes.  
“You are here. You are really here...” his voice broke as she looked up at him and smiled with those lips he had craved so many, many nights when he was away from her. 

“I’ve been waiting for you, vhenan. I know who you are. I know what you had to do. And I forgive you, Dread Wolf.” He bent to her and laid his head against the curve of her neck. No longer stone and coldness, she was all warmth and flesh and beautiful. A single tear ran down his face as his arms encircled her and drew her closer to him. His lips pressed against her ear, breathed in her scent from her hair, kissed her brow, her beautiful thick lashes as they fanned across her cheeks, and gently kissed her warm, inviting lips. 

“This can not be real. I do not deserve this. You are a demon sent to trick me.” She smiled at him in that coy manner that she had mastered. 

“And if I was?” She ran her fingers down his neck to his jaw pendant. 

He whispered against her lips hungrily, “I’d sell you my soul over and over again for eternity if it meant I never had to awaken without you again.”

“Lucky for you that I only ever wanted you." She smiled at him warmly, compassionately. "Come home, Solas. Let go.”

Solas could feel the tiniest thread holding him to the mortal plane. He cut it happily and released what had been, all his mistakes, all his lost friends and loved ones. He let it go and could feel the weightless freedom that came from existing only in spirit. 

His love looked at him with eyes that adored him. He took her face in his hands and kissed her slowly, deeply, as if for the first time. In truth, it was the first time that they had embraced with no secrets or lies between them. He finally felt whole. Things had always been easier for him in the fade because he was part of it and now so was she. His anchor had allowed her the same access he once had. Almost as if it had been meant to be. 

“Vhenan...” He touched her and she was real. The only thing he loved more than the fade had been her. She was his, to share in the ancient memories and to walk with in forgotten realms, for now and forever. 

“Ar lasa mala revas, Fen'harel.” She smiled, took him by the hand, and led him home.


End file.
